Today marks one week since my latest surgery on October 8th. Lucky me, on September 17th, 2013 I found another hard mass while I was checking myself in the shower. It was back in my freakin vag. UNFUCKINGREAL.
So, I went through the I-wanna-stab-myself-in-the-face-with-a-fork process of tests and doctor appointments and probing and prodding and all that jazz. My tests were September 24th. When we didn't hear from my oncologist, we figured the news wasn't great but my mom called her on 9/25 anyway just to check, we received amazing news. She stated that I showed no sign of disease anywhere...including my lungs. There was just a note as to where scar tissue appeared due to prior surgery.
This. Was. A. Mazing.
My mom called me crying and said there was nothing on my scans. It was a great feeling. But I still had an appointment with my original Sloan doctor on 9/26 just to check what the mass was. Obviously, he felt something and informed that this would be an easy surgery, that it was only about the size of a pea and could be removed in 10 minutes or so. We asked why there was something there when my scans came back clear. He stated that since the vag has a lot of folds and whatnot, that it's hard to tell if anything is there. Great. I was then scheduled for my third (to date) vaginal surgery on Tues, 10/8.
Surgery came and went and luckily I was scheduled to be at the hospital at 8:15am, so at least it wasn't a super late procedure and I was able to leave that evening. Since then, I have been going through my usual recovery process. Since this tumor was more on the outside rather then the inside, the week since surgery has been slightly different then my first two vag surgeries. For instance, I can see the area that was operated on this time...and let me tell you, it kind of freaked me out for a solid 5 days or so because the swelling was so crazy.
My next appointment was scheduled for 10/30 with my vag surgeon and 10/31 with my oncologist to discuss possibly trying localized radiation. I was expecting my pathology report to come back positive as LMS but to have clean margins. This would mean that I was technically, Cancer Free.
It was hard for me to accept that I was Cancer Free because I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop and something happen. But at the same time, I definitely felt some sort of relief just knowing that there weren't any masses in my body. It was a good feeling.
Today, my parents informed me that my pathology reports came back, and my margins tested positive for Cancer cells.
I still have Cancer.
Being that I have never had this happen in the 5+ years since I was diagnosed, it is a scary thing. My doctor removed the area he could in order to not deform me. If I had to have another surgery, I would absolutely be deformed and disfigured - and that could legit mean a million things. Great.
They won't have an answer as to what they plan on doing this time until Thursday when they have their weekly meeting with all the doctors. I won't know anything for another two or more days. That's always fun - waiting. My doctor stated that he wasn't leaning towards another surgery so who knows what it's going to be. Radiation, chemo, who knows anymore.
Naturally, I feel like when it comes to my health, I am always waiting for something to happen...because now it just seems like something always does happen. It blows. Trying to be positive when all that seems to keep happening are crappy things is super difficult. I guess all I can do is take it one day at a time and just try to live in the moment. It's not easy.
And no words can take the horrible feeling away so I won't try...Hope the docs come up with a workable plan.
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