My dad and I got there on time this morning where I was stabbed in a not-so-pleasant vein in my forearm for my (gag) second set of blood work of the week. I cried. It was no fun. At this point while I'm calming down the nurse proceeds to chat about the process going along with getting the vaccinations and I hear her say that it will take about 2-3 hours so I should come back. Um, excuse me?
The nurse goes on to explain that they can't thaw out the vaccination until I physically "check in" or after I see a doctor and they give the lab the go-ahead. What the fuck is the point of making an appointment if it means diddly-squat? I just don't understand. Call me crazy but if I make an appointment for a certain time, I'm going to think it's for that time - not for 2-3 hours later. So now I'm pissed off. But whatever. I'll get over it. I head up to the 5th floor to meet with a doctor for whatever reason that may be since I already saw my Oncologist three days ago (she wasn't around today so she scheduled me to meet with her colleague).
I stop at the desk to tell them I'm there and ask how long it'll take - being that again, nothing is ever on time at that place. The girl behind the desk says the doctor is running on schedule and I'll be called back shortly. An hour later I'm still waiting. I finally get called back into the room to meet with the doctor...where I proceed to wait for another 30 minutes. At this point my blood is boiling. It's like you have to go in search for someone to tell you what the fuck is going on since no one ever has the common courtesy to tell you that it's going to take a little longer then expected. Notice how happy I look.
FINALLY the doctor comes in...with a chip on her shoulder. Great. I attempt to ask why I'm meeting with her since I already saw my Oncologist three days prior. She says it's part of the protocol that I need to meet with a doctor to get a physical and get my blood pressure, temperature, etc. checked (which I already did prior to seeing her since every time you meet with a doctor you get your vitals taken). She proceeds to listen to my heart for a total of 60 seconds. I then ask why no one explained to me that every time I would have to get a vaccination it wouldn't be ready at the time of my appointment. She tells me it's part of the protocol. I tell her that I'm not trying to be nasty here but I do work full time and I don't have all the time in the world to take off of work to sit at Sloan for hours after my appointments are scheduled for. I ask if I could call when I'm on my way in to speed up the process so I'm not just sitting around for hours waiting for something that will take 5 minutes. She cuts me off mid-sentence with a bitch-ass attitude stating that I signed a Consent Form and this is the protocol and basically if I don't like it I can withdrawal from the Trial. Um, what the fuck is your problem you nasty BITCH. Seriously, this is the first fucking time I'm doing something like this, I have no idea what is going on, I'm practically donating my fucking body to science to benefit YOU people and you're making it seem like YOU'RE doing ME a favor? I don't think so. It's like they really make it difficult for you to feel good about the decision you made...and that really makes me upset. It took me such a long time to finally feel good about saying Yes to this and now I feel like I'm starting to regret my decision. I have no regrets in my life and I don't want to start now.
Is it me or do I always seem to have some sort of problem? I just seriously cannot understand why nothing is ever easy in my life. I just have to laugh about it because if I don't I'll go out of my mind.
She leaves the room without saying goodbye, or thank you, or talk to you soon, or anything. Just leaves. With the same attitude she came in with. Shortly thereafter the same nurse I spoke with on the phone a few weeks ago to discuss the Trial comes in to speak with me further. I ask her the same questions and receive different answers. I explain to her that I'm not in the least trying to be difficult - just trying to understand what the fuck is going on. My dad was about to blow a gasket at this point. He told me he wanted to knock the doctor's teeth out...with good reason. She would've deserved it. As if it isn't stressful enough to have this disease, come into the city, get told you'll be waiting 3 hours past the time of your actual appointment...to receive some no-name drugs getting pumped into your body with unknown side effects...at least be a little nice. Is it really that difficult? Apparently so.
The nurse calls the lab to see if my vaccination was called in yet - no. Of course not! Why would it be?! She tells me they'll call me when it's ready. My dad and I go out to brunch, walk around the city a bit, buy some books at Barnes and Noble and head back to Sloan. Two more hours have surpassed. I check in at the desk when I get back to the 4th Floor and they tell me they're not ready yet. Another 45 minutes goes by before they call me back. At this point I just want to get the fucking thing over with already and get the hell home.
I give my normal explanation of how I have a phobia of needles and to please just get it over with as quickly as possible. The vaccination hurts - a lot more then I thought it would. It's not the needle, but whatever it is that's being injected. It stings and makes my arm sore. The nurse asks me to stay for 10 minutes just to make sure I don't get any severe side effects. It's after 1:15pm when I'm walking out the door. I arrived at Sloan a little after 8am (with my last appointment of the day scheduled for 9:30am).
If this isn't torture, I don't know what is. I can understand that there are times things happen. Sometimes you can be running behind - I get it. However, when you're the one that's waiting hours at least 98% of the time you go, it can get a little fucking frustrating.
While my dad and I were walking to the car, my arm started to hurt. It's really sore now as I write this, hours later. BUT, it was explained to me that practically everyone in the Trial developed swelling and redness at the injection site - I don't have this thus far. Watch, tomorrow I'll wake up and my entire arm will be double the size it normally is. That's my luck, folks!
Speaking of my luck (or lack thereof), I called Disability two days ago to ask why I still have yet to see my FIRST check. They proceeded to tell me I was missing the Employer section of my paperwork. Oh really? You mean the same Employer section that was faxed along with EVERYTHING ELSE back in JUNE? So - I faxed everything once again and have to call back tomorrow to make sure they got everything this time. Are you kidding me? I haven't been paid in almost 8 weeks, people. I am legit broke. If you see me on a local street corner, don't be alarmed. This is what my life has amounted to.
In a nutshell - today was not the most pleasant. Some of my friends and my mom suggested rethinking my decision if this is what it's going to be like. I really don't want to pull out of this. It took me a long time to come to terms with the fact that I was going to put myself through my own personal Hell and I was actually content with that...until today. I wish someone could just explain to me why things in my life never run smoothly. I really try to make it happen! It just never does. I already can't wait for these next 84 weeks to end.
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