Signed my life away.

Today were my first appointments for the Trial. We left at 6am (FUN) and by the grace of God ALL my appointments were on time! For some reason, my wonderful stale-watered-down-jello-contrast drink that they have me drink a gallon of for my CT Scans was exceptionally disgusting this morning. Notice the pleasant look on my face (and the lack of makeup since I was up at the crack):

The CT's went well - I got a wet reading today from my Oncologist and she said everything was good. There was a fluid mass in my lung but apparently that's considered normal after a surgery, plus another new nodule in my kidney. They're going to monitor it but it's so small that they think it's nothing. Let's hope it stays like that.

I didn't take any xanax today - which is a first for me when going to Sloan so I was a little nervous I would pass out in the chair. Surprisingly, I didn't even cry! This is also a first for me. I was proud of myself. After the CT's were done, I got my usual allergic reaction to the contrast - a pencil eraser sized hive by my right eye. I have been getting the same allergic reaction for almost 3 years since my first CT Scan and have been taking pre-meds before every CT since. Today was the first day they made me stay for an extra 20 minutes after my scans just to make sure I wouldn't go into a crazy full allergic breakdown. Apparently one day my entire body could blow up into one giant hive. That would be just my luck. Needless to say, I wasn't happy about keeping the stupid IV in past the amount of time I needed to but because they gave me an extra bag of fluids I noticed that my reaction went down a lot quicker then it usually does.

I headed over to my second appointment for my blood work at the second location of the day. I warned the nurse of my phobia, armed myself with a giant cup of Orange Juice and positioned my hand around my dads fingers to squeeze them off. After she put the 7 vials in the cup holder next to me I decided it would probably be best if I left my eyes closed the remainder of the time. I didn't pass out, I cried just a little and I was able to walk out of there within 5 minutes. Go me! Maybe I'm getting better at this? Who knows. I hope so because I'm going to be going through this shit the rest of my life.

After lunch, my dad and I headed over to the third location of the day to meet with my Oncologist and sign my life away.

I think I made the "right" decision. Let's hope nothing negative comes of this but I have to say, I do have a good feeling about everything and I'm happy with the decision I made. My next appointment is in 3 days to get my first vaccination. I'm really hoping I don't get any weird side effects from it. They stated that really the only thing that has been happening to other patients is some swelling and redness by the injection site. But it is a vaccination so I could develop some flu-like symptoms as well. That would suck because I'm scheduled for my third week in a row vaccination the day before I leave for Miami. If I'm sick for that trip I'll be PISSED. My entire summer sucked - I NEED this vacation. I guess we shall see.

So - I'm stuck for 84 weeks in the Trial. Of course I could pull out anytime I want but what would be the point of that? I need to stick it out and I will. I'm just not really looking forward to it.