Fuck you, Cancer.

So - tomorrow I have my first CT's since I started the Trial. I can't believe it was 6 months ago already. Six months down, one year to go...of needles and tests and blood work and doctor visits, anyway. I'm both a little nervous and excited for these CT's. God willing they will be fine and I'll be able to start counting the days/months/years of being Cancer free again. It would be really great if this series of vaccinations actually meant I wouldn't have to worry about something showing up ever again.

My day of fun starts tomorrow at 8am. My CT's are scheduled for 9am which means I have to be there an hour early to drink the gallon of grossness they make you consume before your scans. After my CT's are done, my next appointment isn't until 2pm! Which means I'll be walking aimlessly around NY for approximately four hours until my blood work. After that, I'm scheduled to meet with a doctor. Guess which one? That nasty BITCH I said I never wanted to be scheduled with again!

Because I had to call Sloan back four times to get all my appointments scheduled on the same day rather then multiple days, she was the only available doctor on the day they were able to schedule everything on. I'm pissed. At least this time I really don't have any questions to ask. I'm legit not even going to smile at her. Just check my heartbeat for 18 seconds like you did the last time and get out, assbag.

After my (it's sure to be...) lovely appointment with her, I'll have to wait another hour and 1/2 to two hours to get my vaccination...the fourth appointment of the day. Again, this is because apparently on the days I see a doctor they can't start thawing the vaccination until the doctor sees me and calls it in. It's so fucking stupid but what am I going to do? So this basically means I'll be aimlessly walking for yet another two hours of my life on the streets of NY until they call me to tell me I can come get jabbed with the second needle of the day. Joy.

I'm assuming I won't get home until around 7-8pm tomorrow and we're leaving at like, 6:15am. Although it's better to get everything done in the same day, they space it out way too much. I really don't get how they don't look at a schedule like that and just ponder to themselves, hmm...if I were her I sure as hell wouldn't want to spend 10 hours of my day in and out of doctor appointments.

Maybe I'm the crazy one.

On a more positive note, I added some new ink to my body. I thought about it for a while and decided that although these last 3+ years have had their ups and downs, ultimately the tribulations I've endured have just made me stronger. It was as if this was a test of my strength and capacity as a person. I always knew I was capable of handling shitty situations but I really never knew I could withstand so much until I was able to pull through without completely falling apart.

For those dealing with an illness, loss, some test of character...keep holding on. If you give up you'll never know incredibly brave you really are. When things seem like they can't get any lower, they might. Life has a nasty sense of humor but the way I see it you have two choices: fight or give up. If everything in this world was easy we would never know that we could survive the worst of times and come out stronger then ever.

So to that, I say Fuck You, Cancer.

September 8th, 2008 and June 8th, 2011 have made me what I am today: Stronger.