Merry Christmas To All.

As I sit here on Christmas Eve writing out my Christmas cards, I can't help but reflect on a few things. Unfortunately, this year's holiday season isn't too joyous. Aside from receiving the news that I have Cancer again and need surgery again, my Grandma passed away yesterday morning. It was so unexpected too...which I guess is the saddest part.

I will say that although it's so heart wrenching that she's gone, in a way I'm thankful. She broke her hip years ago and became bed-ridden after that, causing her to be in that bed for 6 years already. That's no way to live. However, she was well taken care of and seemed to be somewhat content...although her mind has been going lately. I think it was actually partly because of her that she started believing she just took a walk on the beach or cooked dinner for everyone. She went to a happy and pleasant place in her mind and went there quite often. However, most of the time she knew who we were and had conversations with us about our lives.

One time a year or so ago she asked if I was engaged yet (ha). When I told her that no, I wasn't and that I was still single, she went on to tell me about the kind of man I should wait for. She insisted that I only choose a truly "good" man - someone genuine of heart. It was a lovely conversation and one I will never forget.

Throughout my Grandma's life, I've always known her to be religious. She attended church every Sunday, helped with the church bingo, donated quite a lot of her time and money over the years, and always kept (and prayed it every day) a Rosary on her. If anyone was to go to Heaven, it would be her. The last 6 years she's been confined to her bed the bulk of her time was spent praying. It's incredible to see someone so devoted to their religious beliefs. My mother believes that my small "miracles" of sorts (how I found the Cancer initially, getting it removed when I was told I didn't have to, having it stay away for almost 3 years, only having the tumor removed in my left lung instead of losing the whole thing, etc.) are in part due to her praying for me so much. Although my mother never told her outright that I had Cancer, she informed her that I was ill and needed surgery when it came down to the times I was diagnosed and for her to pray for me. I already know my Grandma didn't need to be told to pray for me because I know she always did - but maybe she prayed a little extra during those times.

The night of the 22nd my mother and aunt received a call that my Grandma was breathing weird and was vomiting. They stayed all night but she seemed to be doing better in the morning - talking, holding down food, etc. All of a sudden her breathing got heavy and weird again and within a matter of a half hour or less, she was gone. I'm glad it was quick and hopefully as painless as possible. It was just super unexpected. She was fine up until two nights ago. I guess it was just her time.

The whole thing just reminds me that life is a fragile thing and it's up to you to choose how you want to live it. Because she was so extremely kind and giving, she devoted her time to praying for the well being of others. How selfless.

I know she is definitely up in whatever Heaven there is, seated extremely close to God or whatever Higher Power we have up there. I know she is still praying for me and I feel comfort in knowing I have someone like her on my side.

Merry Christmas to all. Hopefully I will be able to move past the negative things surrounding my holiday season and be thankful for my life and the good that is in it.