Fireworks.

As I was sitting on my couch half watching another nameless movie last night I thought to myself - what do I miss most about the summer that I'm losing out on this year? The thing that I could come up with is: fireworks. They're probably my most favorite thing that summer offers and winter doesn't. Is that strange?

For some reason fireworks have always induced some sort of emotional feelings for me so to miss them doesn't seem out of the ordinary. Sure, I love the beach and BBQ's and all that jazz...but you can always take a vacation in the winter to get that. Fireworks are really only around during the summer months - the 4th of July and in some towns up until Labor Day. There's nothing better then sitting barefoot in the sand on a breezy summer night watching a million pyrotechnic stars combust in a variety of colors.

Maybe I'm starting to go a little stir crazy being trapped in the confines of my house with little hope of escape. Maybe I'm just sad that tomorrow is already August 1st and the summer is racing by while I stare out the window at it. Maybe it's because as the years go on I find myself losing time like the snap of a finger and this is just another summer down the drain. Maybe I've just had one too many Rolling Rock's tonight that I'm talking a little crazy. Who knows at this point!

For two weeks I've been thinking my appointment with my Oncologist is this Wednesday - it's on Thursday. Good thing all the days just seem to mesh into each other and my social calendar isn't exactly overflowing lately. I can say this - I'm actually looking forward to going into the city for my Sloan appointment for once. It's an extremely rare occasion I actually go to that place without being in total misery. The simple mental ease I get from knowing that I only have an appointment to discuss a particular issue that won't necessarily affect my health relaxes me a little. I'm still up in the air about which direction I will choose to take with this Clinical Trial but at least I know that it will be my choice and I will finally, for once, be in control of something that happens with this disease.

My incision has been extremely sensitive lately and I'm not sure why. Is it because my skin is pulling while healing? One would think that it would have been more sensitive 2 weeks ago instead of now. My super hyper dog Lily ran across my back for the second time two morning's ago - I could have killed her. I guess little things like that which continue to agitate the area (like wearing a bra or a tight tank top or bathing suit...or practically anything pressing up against the spot if we want to be technical) will in turn continue to make it sore. But seriously - what can I do? I had the disability people from work calling me three days ago asking why I couldn't return to work and I actually had to tell the woman it was because I didn't exactly want to return to work bra-less. There are quite a few things I can handle in the work environment but that, my friends, is not one of them.

Onto another pressing issue...I've basically been reduced to ransacking my couch cushions for spare change since I have yet to receive my first Disability check. I'm not quite sure how Disability helps people when the first check you receive doesn't get to you until you're already back at work. Even though I'm not filling my tank on a weekly basis and painting the town red every weekend, I still have bills to pay. Life goes on and doesn't care that you had surgery and haven't been at work in 5 weeks. Not only do I have bills, bills, bills - but I have a (much needed) vacation with my ladies the first weekend of September that I'd like to have a little spending money for. The day my first check (which I've been informed is not really a check but rather a debit card...uhh...) comes in the mail will be the day I feel like a 5 year old on Christmas morning again. Dear Santa, thank you for this tiny plastic disc in which I can withdraw money from and be responsible so I can pay my bills on time instead of spending the money on a new pair of shoes that I would much rather get instead. The life of an adult.

I really hope I can catch one show of mesmerizing fireworks before the summer is over. That would make me happy. Back to my ice cold Rolling Rocks.