Follow up

Why is it that every time I go to Sloan I feel like they're just seeing how much they can torture me before I crack? Today I had my first follow up visit since the surgery. My x-rays were scheduled for 11:45am and my appointment with my lung doctor was at 12:15pm. As my parents and I have learned from previous visits, we might as well just show up three hours late from the get-go...but since WE'RE not allowed to be late, we usually just ask how much time we'll inevitably be waiting before I'm seen and sometimes get something to eat or walk around the city. My x-ray appointment was actually only running about 10 minutes behind (miraculously) so when we were told that my appointment with the doctor was only a half hour behind, it was like an early Christmas gift. Could we actually get out of Sloan at a reasonable hour this time? Two and a half hours later I was finally seen. I just don't understand the concept of making an appointment for a certain time when I am legit NEVER seen within even an hour of when I'm scheduled for at that place. It's pure torture. Today wasn't so bad because I knew I wouldn't be getting probed and prodded and stabbed with needles - but for the appointments where I do, it's horrible. As if people who have to have appointments at that hospital aren't stressed enough, then they are forced to wait for three hours. I can't stand it.

My doctor said that the x-ray's looked good and took the bandages off. I was glad. I've been wanting to take them off myself but I didn't know if that (knowing my luck) would've caused the wound to mysteriously break open and cause a whole mess of additional problems.

I was informed that he would need to see me every 4 months for CT Scan's and a check up for a year. I was actually kind of happy about this news - not because I have to come back every 4 months (because that sucks) but because it would only be for a year and then I would switch to every 6 months again. The thing that blows hardcore is that not only do I now have to see my lung doctor, but I also have to coordinate seeing my regular doctor at Sloan as well. He informed me that he would want to see me every 3 months again when the mass in my lung was detected.

So now I have to look forward to basically spending the ENTIRE day at Sloan whenever I have my 4 month check up. There have been times I've waited three hours for an appointment. So what happens now? My CT Scans will always be the first appointment because I get wet reads done (the scans are read the same day as they're taken). Then I guess it's a toss up of whoever has an earlier time slot open that day followed by the second doctor. But now we will run into problems since every time I go my appointments are always running late. What happens when my first doctor appointment is two hours behind and then forces me to be late to my second doctor appointment? I will seriously be at Sloan from 8am until 9pm. I know it already. It will be a day full of torture. Torture since I'll be getting needles which I love so much. Torture since I'll be getting a physical which I love so much. Torture since I'll seriously be spending about 12 hours in a hospital filled with sick and pain stricken Cancer patients...which causes me so much anxiety I can't even begin to explain it. I'm getting anxiety just thinking about it!

The good news is that I'm starting to feel better day by day...although a few days ago I was blessed with a new pain. I must have strained myself doing housework or carrying around the laundry basket or something because I seriously couldn't stand or sit or walk or pee or sneeze without my lower stomach killing me. I could actually touch the pain because it was inside where the path of my laparoscopic surgery was. I can feel some scar tissue there to begin with but it was as if I popped something or pulled something in there. I really thought I was going to have to live with this new pain for a while but luckily it went away in a few days.

When I asked my doctor how much longer I would have to live with this numb and tingly feeling in my left side he said it could go away soon or I could have it for a long time. It just all depends on how quickly my body heals. Of course he had to add in there, "For some people it permanently stays like that but it's very rare." Well doc, I would say I don't exactly have the best luck with rare happenings considering I'm one of 20 something documented cases to get Leiomyosarcoma vaginally. So...great!

He asked how I was feeling otherwise and I told him I was crazy sore all along my back and under my boob. He said that this type of surgery is usually one of the most painful (cool) because they have to bend and spread apart the ribs. Just thinking about that makes me nauseous.

I'm just glad I'm slowly but surely starting to feel better. My war wounds are definitely going to haunt me for a while because I'm sure people who don't know will ask why I have a giant scar across my back. It's just another daily reminder of the shit I've had to endure but hey - it could be worse, right? Sometimes I hate saying that phrase because I'm scared that it will happen to me...something worse. But you can't live your life being scared of everything. Whatever is going to happen will happen and there's not much you can do about it.