I just want to sneeze like a normal person...

It's been 4 weeks and 2 days since surgery and a few new things have occurred. First, it has become surprisingly difficult for me to complete a sneeze. I'm not sure if my allergies are acting up the last few days but I've been sneezing (or trying to) quite a bit. It seems as though the sneeze just kind of lingers in there and I wind up having a few false starts before actually getting one out, if I'm able to at all. Very strange. When I actually do follow through with a complete sneeze, it's a little painful! I feel as though this cannot possibly be the first time I'm sneezing since the surgery but then again, it's not exactly like I keep a Sneeze Journal and document every time I do so. It's very hard to remember your last sneeze unless it came along with 5 others or hurt when you actually did do it. Both of these things have been happening to me the last few days. I've been sneezing 3, 4 even 5 times in a row but I'm only able to complete a few of them - and again, once I do, I'm left with a painful pulling feeling. It's all very new and not something I'm very pleased with...as my allergies do get pretty bad from time to time.

I'm wondering if I'm not able go through with a sneeze because my lungs can't take in giant deep breaths yet. But then again, two days ago I (FINALLY) attended karaoke at a local watering hole that I used to frequent every Tuesday night before surgery and I was singing up a storm...as if no time had passed. It felt so good to get back to doing what I love. I never realized how much I love it and how much I need it in my life. There were a few times I found myself a little winded in the middle of some songs but I was able to catch my breath and sound just like I did before the surgery. For that, I am SO thankful. Here's a video from Tuesday night of me with my extremely talented and good friend, Theresa:

However, it is true when I'm home and yawn or take a deep breath it is still somewhat painful. I feel it more up in my shoulder as well as my lung. Is that weird? I think so. Come to think of it, though, when I had the tube in, in the hospital, it was pushing up against my shoulder so bad that I was practically crying every minute from the amount of pressure. I'm wondering if it has anything to do with this. Who knows. I'm sure even a month from now I'm still going to be feeling some new unusual things here and there. My body is probably mending and putting itself back together from what my doctor had to do to remove the tumor.

On a positive note - Tuesday night was the first time in 4 weeks that I was able to don a brazier. It felt good to have the girls contained again but let me tell you - the next morning was not fun. I woke up feeling extra sore all along my ribs, around to my back and of course at the incision spot. The soreness under my boob and around on my left side has yet to even start to feel better so I'm wondering when this will go away. I cannot imagine anyone that has to deal with broken ribs. If mine where only bent and pulled apart and I'm still in the same amount of pain over 4 weeks later, I cannot even fathom someone having to deal with broken ones. When would they heal?! I'm more concerned about my two crazy dogs (they're little mini pinschers) jumping on my ribs then on my incision. Even touching them now with little to no pressure, they're super tender. It's pretty nuts. Therefore, the continuation of being bra-less lives on for a longer time. Until then, it's double and triple layered clothing with super spandexy tank tops underneath. Fun times. The joys of being well endowed. BUT - I can say that I was able to rock one of my new bathing suit tops in my backyard yesterday for an hour or so while attempting to get some color on this pale body of mine. I had to pull the back of it down so that it was under my incision (which was not the most comfortable thing in the world) but at least I know I can lay out with a normal suit rather then a tank top and bikini bottom.

The humor in all this is that all my color will be in the front since I cannot expose the incision to the sun yet. Therefore, I'm not sure why I'm even laying out because I'll legit look like a Black and White Cookie once I'm slightly bronzed. That will be attractive. Watch out, boys!

I've decided to keep my appointment with my Oncologist at Sloan for Aug. 4th to discuss this Trial. I've asked countless people what they would do if they were in my shoes and the outcome was totally split, as I suspected it would be. Speaking honestly, I don't want to do this, simply because of the added stress and possible side effects down the road. But I know myself and I feel like if I don't do it I'll always think about what would have happened if I did. My mind isn't completely made up yet as I have a shitload of questions for my Oncologist as well as the doctor running the Study at Sloan, but I'm leaning towards doing it.

Annndddd...another kind of/kind of not sneezing attack. Three sneezes with only one follow through. Whhhyyyy!?! Just another thing to look forward to during this wonderful recovery process.